i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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