im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
