If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
