I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
