whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
