you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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