took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
