like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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