She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
