the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
