Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
