all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
