did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
