I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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