i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
