Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
