yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
