he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
