k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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