Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
