You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
