u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
