Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
