I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
