Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I am naked and annoyed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
