Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
