i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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