Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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