Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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