Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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