My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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