Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
