sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
