Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
