I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
