it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
