somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
