Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
