mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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