i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
