Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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