very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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