she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
