I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
