Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we made out on top of his cat.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
