I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
