So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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