well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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