that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
