We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
