I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
