Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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