OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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