rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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