She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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