First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
