Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
